yesterday, while i was cooking dinner for dear and me,
she suddenly called me and said want to come my house...
at first, im shocked by her
but after awhile, she reached my house by cycling herself...
then im guessing, there must be something wrong with her and her bf
because she said she want to overnight at my house, but my house was do not allow ppl to overnight,
so i tried to find elaine to ask whether i can go her house for a night,
thank you for elaine that lent me her room for me and her....
thank you for dear giving us time to be together.... but in my heart i miss dear dear so much...
sorry dear that i cause u cant watch movie with ur friends,
but i hope that i can know ur friends as well.... :)
back to the story,
while chatting with her,
she din even tell me anything until i started to self- disclosure,
then only she told me what was happening between she and her bf....
she and her bf started to be a couple since secondary school,
their relationship already lasted for 4 years,
now the guy wanted to break up with her,
just because he is already tired with their relationship.
but actually there is a third party involving inside,
the guy msg my friend and told her that he wont come back home until wednesday,
this msg was his friend ask him to do so...
when she was telling me the story, she started crying non-stop but i din stop her....
after she cry finish, she calmed down, and we started discuss about her relationship and my relationship,
this make me realize that we are 2 extreme person...
she is extreme impulse, im am extreme tolerance,
there are many things that i din say it out in my heart,
and she tell me that i have to say it out,
if not, i will be ended up like her situation.
i duwan to be like her....
her bf start changes after he met a gang of new friends,
and these friends always call him out for trips and play,
in my heart, i am thinking is it the influence of friends so big???
can this changes dont come to me???
i really dont know wat will i do....
when i see her cry, my heart so pain....
but all i can do is just listening to her,
im not dare to give any suggestions and comments...
im scare...
today, when i am in the bathe room preparing to go for breakfast,
she is calling her bf to come back,
her bf is overnight at the girl's house which is far from kampar,
my friend almost become crazy when she hear that from him....
she is begging him to come to kampar by today,
but the guy duwan to come back at all....
(guy, do u know there are many things that girl can tolerance with, but not overnight at other girl's house, dont even try to do this at all, you will hurt the girl that you love so badly and seriously...)
he still hold on to come back on wednesday....
(sometimes, i really dont know wat guy is thinking about....)
this morning he say that he duwan this relationship, he feels tired with this relationship, he wants to break up
my friend is crying like hell.... im so shock and sakit hati to see her crying like that....
at that moment, i really dunno wat can i do....
im just hugging her and let her cry until she wanna to stop...
she keeps telling me that she's lost, she dunno wat to do,
wat i can do, is just accompany her and try to help her come out some solutions,
but i dunno whether it is helpful or not.....
after that, im sending her back eastlake and cycling back myself home...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
on the way back, it let me think about my own self relationship...
im so scare that this kind of thing will happen to me too...
there is a girl that i dont like beside you,
im trying to accept her as your sis as your friend,
but the feeling is still there,
i have already try to do my best,
but im so sorry that i really cant do that anymore
there are so many question in my mind...
why is it she duwan to accept me in her facebook???
why when we are outing together for dinner, you 2 are like strangers???
why when you met in school, you din say hi to each other???
why i cannot go with you when you are going out with her???
why she can cut ur finger nails i cannot???
(do you know that these questions bothering me quiet a long time...)
sometimes is not im not trusting you, im just not trusting her...
maybe for you she is just a sister that you never have, but when you are in a relationship,
there is no any other can live together....unless the two person....
maybe this is the freedom that i cannot give....
i just hope that i can know ur friends, n this can let me feel secure and reassure me....
every time, when you are going out with her only,
my mind will start thinking...
i just cant control myself....
every time, when you are not by my side,
my mind will start thinking " are you being with her?"
im know it may not fair for you, but im just cant control my mind to think about it,
it is automatically start thinking....
still remember i told you that when i lost trust on a person,
it will be very hard to gain the trust again??
im thinking about it....
but i duwan our relationship to end up like my friend...
the moral of their story is say out the things that you are not feeling well or comfortable with....
so im make this decision to say it out here.... im hope that you can read it....
i know that you are doing something changes for me,
im also trying to do my best for you,
to give you enough freedom,
but sometime im thinking is it the freedom im giving is too free???
i dunno wat kind of freedom do you want???
do you know that im so scare to lose you....
do you know that im trying my best to let myself to stop thinking about all those things...
maybe you will say that im running away when i encounter with problem,
maybe im not the perfect one in your eyes,
do you know that im care everything and comment u give me,
but i just need more time to do it....
me and you are different, you know that,
im know that you are disappointed on me that i din change my attitude,
i know that.... n maybe my changes is not enough for you....
im just a person like this,
whenever i encounter any problem, i will run away,
and after that only i start thinking wat should i do
im really need ur help to clarify to me the problem that i facing,
although the time you telling me, im not really pay attention,
but i do listen,
im not like you, can solve the problem very fast and right...
im need a guideline from your for me to solve the problem that i facing.....
maybe after you read my blog, you may have something to say,
please just say it out, and im also learning to say it out
cos i duwan our relationship end up like my friend....
i love you dear, i do....
